Friday, December 23

Is it the end of the "Magic"??????

Call me neurotic..But yes, I am worried about yet another this the last year D. will believe in Santa? I know some people don't make such a big deal about it, or they don't "do" Santa at all. Well that's not me, or us, I should say. Santa is a huge deal around's the 'magic' of it all. D. is 7 1/2 this year and her wheels are turning. She hasn't really said anything about Santa, but she did tell my mom the other day that she's "not sure" about the Tooth Fairy & that she doesn't have it "figured out".
Warning: selfish Mommy rant.........I don't want her to figure it out. I want her to be little, I want her to believe, I want her to enjoy every little breath of her childhood, I WANT my babies to be little forever. What I don't want is for mom's of older kids to say "yeah mine grew up so fast too. Before you know it...blah, blah, blah". Work with me here as I am in denial! The logical part of me knows all of that, but I am emotional mama bear. My entire body (not just my heart) aches when I even think about my kids getting big...really it does. I have a terrible fear that this will be the last year she's a phobia really, the paralyzing kind. I'm sure there is a name for it....there has to be, because there are names for fear of snakes, water, light, clowns, hair...there is surely a name for this one as well. Especially since I KNOW I can't be the only mom who fears this........okay anybody have a name to a good therapist??? So there you have it, I am afraid...afraid of her not believing anymore & afraid of my kids growing up. Somehow I thought putting this all in black & white would be cathartic, but now I just ache more.........


Kate Michele said...

I feel for you I know what you mean...its hard for us because we know what life is like once we don't believe anymore. But the majic and the memory will always be with a deep space of my still child like heart I still believe!! I know how you feel they need to be babies for a longer period in life than just a year or two!! hang in there!!!