Sunday, March 26

****DISCLAIMER****


If you are a man (although I don't know of any who frequent this blog) you might just wanna back click out of this blog pronto! Hey you might wanna skat if you are a woman.....who knows...I'm just warning you, this ain't gonna be pretty.............

I am in "the Mode".......K. & I usually refer to it as "Bitch Mode"....also know as "Ragin-freakin-PMS"...in the worst of ways. So here I am alone with 4 kids. Mind you they are not in any form of physical danger, but they are sure as not gonna wanna return to our house anytime soon, methinks. And if anyone talks to my hubby, remind him how glad he should be that he is away at work this week. Very, very glad!
Let's break it down now
~I am in full blown Bitch Mode~don't jack with me if you value you life or that of anyone close to you
~I am here alone with a house full of kids. What was I thinking....oh yeah, I wan't expecting this moodiness shit for another few days.
~I was kept awake 95% of the night by some damn stray dog that insisted on camping out on my front porch. Am I the fool that fed it???NOOOOOO, that would be my freak neighbors. But somehow "Lucky" picked my porch for the night...my porch to sleep on, my porch to HOWL on, my front door to scratch on....UGH! The good news for Lucky is that when I called Animal Control this morning, they put me in contact with his owners, so now he is back home. But that doesn't change what occurred here throughout the night. Doesn't that dog realize what a woman in B. Mode is like??? Seriously.....
~My house is a wreck. A major heap...thanks to the aforementioned kids. I digress...
~Oh & while we are on the subject of my house...anyone who's ever been to my house can tell you all about the large expanse of white walls which it contains. Mind you 3 of the bedrooms are painted & 2 of the bathrooms...but the rest is white-as-white can be. And as I am walking down one of the hallways a few minutes ago, what do I see????? In the middle of my wall is a giant green booger. Huge, I tell you! And as I get a tissue to wipe it off I realize it is still wet. Fresh...someone just put a booger on my wall. And I assure you there is no way this was an accident...it was huge..no one could have missed it. Under normal circumstances I would assume the youngest child did it & probably didn't 'know any better". However, R. is the only little dude here & he can't stand boogers. Anytime he has a nasal issue, he runs for me screaming so I can take care of it for him. He would chew off his own arm, before he would ever touch a booger in any capacity. So that leaves the 2nd graders. There are 3 of them....I don't know which one did it, but I made it very clear to them that "whomever" did it, did something incredibly disgusting. Foul. Nasty. Gross. Especially when the bathroom was less 2 feet away......As I used to say back in the days of teaching preschool "Unacceptable!"
~So in addition the booger incident, one of the girls in particular has been rude & obnoxious..she is making me nuts. Three times she has physically pushed me in the hallway to shove past me. I found her in the pantry diggin for food without asking. 'Cuz you know I haven't fed them a morsel **insert sarcasm** And she has just been generally rude..... Okay, so just give me the Bad Mom Award for being intolerant of my daughters friends.
~And did I mention that I am pissy about the massive amounts of muck in my yard. It's just nasty & it smells. Break-up (also known as Spring in Alaska) is just plain nasty. Eeeewwwwwwww............
~On another (equally pissy) note I am tired of being overweight. And I am certain that the 20,000+ calories I have consumed in the past few days has nothing to do with it. Chocolate & chips & junk foood in general are essential nutrients for a woman in Bitch Mode. And don't even try to tell me that if I am tired of being this size to do something about it....not unless you have a death wish. Have I made myself clear???????

So there you have it folks....my rant...I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe, just maybe it has helped someone realize that there day is going just a tad better than mine!

10 comments:

Femmie82 said...

Gotta love bitch mode....sorry I didn't get a chance to call back. I'll call you in the next few days...work is insane at the moment. I love you...

~Krystyn~ said...

Sorry about the booger incident-definitely gross.

Thankfully, I'm on the home-stretch out of that "bitch-mode"

Glad the dog made it home so he won't keep you up all night again.

Jackie said...

I promise I'll be designated driver for the next bunko night. After everyting you endured this weekend, you deserve loads and loads of cosmo's! Love ya!

glo-girl said...

:)

So *why* did you send the men away? They are the ones who need to realize what it is to be in BITCH mode. THey need to *understand*, don't you know?

Grab a big bag of M&Ms and sit down with a few re-runs of Sex & the City...It'll be alright in a few days.

Meanwhile, throw the kiddos in a closet. For their own good, ya know...

KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!! No flames, I am flame resistant anyways...

((hugs))

ladybug320 said...

Great blog! Great tee where can i get one!

stacy a said...

A booger????? Oh come on... who wipes a booger on the wall???? That's just gross! As far as bitch mode....been there done that - just ask my husband. Love ya sweetie!

angieoh! said...

deep breath babe. Hang in there... ugh, that booger story is so gross, I can see why you are at wits end! Feel free to give your crazy WI blogger friend a call, I will try and talk you off the ledge (been there myself and I have no kids to blame!!!) PS I have seen your picture and I think you are gorgeous (just like you are).

I think it might be the lack of Targets making you feel nuts... go to target.com and pretend! :)

Mo said...

Hah! I just got out of bitch mode and can relate.

Run, don't walk, go do something just for you. It'll make a small difference. I promise.

............Aimeslee said...

Hey, one great side effect of the Mode is that you write a freakin awesome blog~~ yup, days like that make me definitely glad I'm post menopausal now! Oh and don't feel bad about your DD's friends, you've no idea how bad I was to mine, and they still end up liking ya years later. No worries. :)

Chris said...

Sounds like this was a whopper of a day!

Lucky for me my kids are not yet at the stage where they have friends over who might do rude and gross stuff in my house. I'm not looking forward to it.

Also wanted to say that I love the pic of the Bitch shirt. That's one of my favorite magazines!