I have Coach envy.....

I am in L-O-V-E!!!! I have this thing about chic, colorful purses....but this one is just too fabulous! It is the mother of all purses. It is my dream purse! I want it, I need it, I have to have it!!!Oh my..... maybe I'll get lucky & find $200 lying in the street while walking the dog, right??I really can't justify another purse, but I want it ***said in my whiniest 4 year old voice*** Why did I not see this before my birthday??? Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............ (goes off in the corner to pout)

Real Life Experience #4

take it from me.....even if you are in a super big rush (like rushing home from kickboxing class with just enough time for 3 minute spritz before the bus comes), always remember to take your socks off before you get in the shower....believe me, failing to do so just doesn't work ...just in case you were wondering....

.***I intend to make this a new feature of my blog. I consider it my civic duty (***cough cough...choking on my own line of crap here***) to help others learn from my mistakes*****

Okay, when did I sign up for this?????

My family can tell you, I loathe icky stuff...I hated Science in school, I hate raw meat in any form.....okay, let's get to the point, I hate anything that would fall into the 'gross' category. Enough said..... So how the hell did I become the reigning Queen of Bodily Fluids????? Let me explain.....
First it was the booger-on-the-wall incident of 3 days ago. Then I got the oh-so-awesome pleasure of cleaning up dog doo that had frozen then thawed then frozen again to my grass (note to self : find a dog food that yields NO poop). Then we go to a friend's house~ R. uses the bathroom & all is well. Until we get home & I notice a huge smudge of something that definitely falls into the 'icky' category all over the seat of his booster. Huh??? Duh...check his pants. Ewww....this is one 4 year old who does NOT have the wiping himself thing down yet. Then we go to Walmart last night. As I unload my purchases, I realize my son has disappeared. After 30 seconds of panic I find him on the side of the house...get this...peeing in my grass, pants around his ankles in 30 degree weather. Well, little man got cold & couldn't get his pants up fast enough....and yes, dripped all over the front of his pants & Power Rangers underwear (oh, the horror!). As if all of that wasn't enough, last night our new canine addition 'vurps' ( the vomit/burp combination) on D.'s bed. I'll save you from the graphic descriptions...just know that it was nasty...
So not only have I gotten to see my share of bodily fluids in the last few days, but I have gotten to wipe them up & them deal with their aftermath~ read:gobs of laundry. Man this sucks......I so did not sign up for this. Somewhere along the line I forgot to delegate these tasks to my personal assistant......crap! I think I forgot to hire a personal assistant.......anyone looking for an exciting career???? :)

Rather than end on a sour note I thought I'd share a super cute photo of R. This was from St. Patty's day. He thought he was stylin'....

Real Life Experience #3

since I haven't shared any of my innate wisdom with you lately(like since January), I figured it was about time to do so......

take it from me.....say you are in your uber cool minivan dropping kids off at school & you are trying to back out of the parking lot....and imagine said minivan won't shift into reverse...well maybe, just maybe you should try inserting the key into the ignition & starting the vehicle, before you make the assumption your vehicle has just suddenly died,before start yelling superlatives outloud & before make a complete ass of yourself in front of God & everyone (hey, atleast it's still cold in Alaska & the windows were rolled up).......just in case you were wondering.....

***I intend to make this a new feature of my blog. I consider it my civic duty (***cough cough...choking on my own line of crap here***) to help others learn from my mistakes*****

Getting back to 'normal'....

if you can call it that. I don't think I've ever considered myself 'normal', but I am starting to feel like me again. ***However, I reserve the right to revert to Bitch Mode again at a moments notice~just thought I'd warn ya!*** I even went to Fred Meyer's today & wasn't at all tempted by the Razzelberry Pie that I was craving so desperately less than 48 hours ago. It was bad I tell you! I wanted the whole pie. It was so bad that the kids were hiding out for fear that I would use one of them as a bartering tool to get one of said pies. Alas, today I settled for fresh veggies & cottage cheese. Yep...getting back to normal......
The only crap I purchased at the store today was for the kiddos....you can tell I am real worried about their nutritional intake (just kidding...do not throw stones).....they have a new additction: Eggo Waffle Cereal. OMG! If you have not tried it....run, do not walk, to your nearest groocery store & get a box. This stuff is crazy good! Like love in a box! But do not make the mistake I did....do not give it to your kids. Save it for yourself! Hide it in the laundry room if you have to (cuz we all know that no one but Mom dares venture into that realm). But seriously, you have to try it............YUM! Wait...didn't I say I bought it for the kids??? Well, I digress.....

So today, as I said, is pretty normal....grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, preschool & carpooling.....oh & I just have to share..... I am now experiencing all the joys of 'dog ownership'. I got to pick all the dog crap up in my yard today. Joy-of-joys! I know you are envious......... First it was wiping boogers off the wall & now it's dog poop.......dare to dream......:)

****DISCLAIMER****

If you are a man (although I don't know of any who frequent this blog) you might just wanna back click out of this blog pronto! Hey you might wanna skat if you are a woman.....who knows...I'm just warning you, this ain't gonna be pretty.............

I am in "the Mode".......K. & I usually refer to it as "Bitch Mode"....also know as "Ragin-freakin-PMS"...in the worst of ways. So here I am alone with 4 kids. Mind you they are not in any form of physical danger, but they are sure as not gonna wanna return to our house anytime soon, methinks. And if anyone talks to my hubby, remind him how glad he should be that he is away at work this week. Very, very glad!
Let's break it down now
~I am in full blown Bitch Mode~don't jack with me if you value you life or that of anyone close to you
~I am here alone with a house full of kids. What was I thinking....oh yeah, I wan't expecting this moodiness shit for another few days.
~I was kept awake 95% of the night by some damn stray dog that insisted on camping out on my front porch. Am I the fool that fed it???NOOOOOO, that would be my freak neighbors. But somehow "Lucky" picked my porch for the night...my porch to sleep on, my porch to HOWL on, my front door to scratch on....UGH! The good news for Lucky is that when I called Animal Control this morning, they put me in contact with his owners, so now he is back home. But that doesn't change what occurred here throughout the night. Doesn't that dog realize what a woman in B. Mode is like??? Seriously.....
~My house is a wreck. A major heap...thanks to the aforementioned kids. I digress...
~Oh & while we are on the subject of my house...anyone who's ever been to my house can tell you all about the large expanse of white walls which it contains. Mind you 3 of the bedrooms are painted & 2 of the bathrooms...but the rest is white-as-white can be. And as I am walking down one of the hallways a few minutes ago, what do I see????? In the middle of my wall is a giant green booger. Huge, I tell you! And as I get a tissue to wipe it off I realize it is still wet. Fresh...someone just put a booger on my wall. And I assure you there is no way this was an accident...it was huge..no one could have missed it. Under normal circumstances I would assume the youngest child did it & probably didn't 'know any better". However, R. is the only little dude here & he can't stand boogers. Anytime he has a nasal issue, he runs for me screaming so I can take care of it for him. He would chew off his own arm, before he would ever touch a booger in any capacity. So that leaves the 2nd graders. There are 3 of them....I don't know which one did it, but I made it very clear to them that "whomever" did it, did something incredibly disgusting. Foul. Nasty. Gross. Especially when the bathroom was less 2 feet away......As I used to say back in the days of teaching preschool "Unacceptable!"
~So in addition the booger incident, one of the girls in particular has been rude & obnoxious..she is making me nuts. Three times she has physically pushed me in the hallway to shove past me. I found her in the pantry diggin for food without asking. 'Cuz you know I haven't fed them a morsel **insert sarcasm** And she has just been generally rude..... Okay, so just give me the Bad Mom Award for being intolerant of my daughters friends.
~And did I mention that I am pissy about the massive amounts of muck in my yard. It's just nasty & it smells. Break-up (also known as Spring in Alaska) is just plain nasty. Eeeewwwwwwww............
~On another (equally pissy) note I am tired of being overweight. And I am certain that the 20,000+ calories I have consumed in the past few days has nothing to do with it. Chocolate & chips & junk foood in general are essential nutrients for a woman in Bitch Mode. And don't even try to tell me that if I am tired of being this size to do something about it....not unless you have a death wish. Have I made myself clear???????

So there you have it folks....my rant...I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe, just maybe it has helped someone realize that there day is going just a tad better than mine!

WTF?????

I know that's not necessarily the nicest of 'titles' but really...what else can I say....someone please explain this one to me....crocheted foot thongs..I just don't get it. Maybe it's for those with some kind of bizarre foot fetish...but I still don't get it.......c'mon people just buy some freakin cute shoes............
However if you are truly compelled to get some for yourself or someone you love, I am sure Avon will hook you up!Hey....maybe in an Easter basket or something......eeeewwwwww! But seriously..................

It's Spring...

and I've the got the Spring cleaning bug! I have the itch to clean & de-clutter every last inch of my house.....will it get done? I doubt it, but that doesn't mean my intentions weren't sincere :)
So this weekend I have a friend of D.'s for the weekend while her parents are in Anchorage for a church conference. And tonight I somehow ended up with 2 more of their little friends over for the night. PLUS, one girl's little brother (who is 5yo) is here playing with R. Luckily the 'brother' will be goin home shortly...he's a super-sweet kid but he is like a bull in a china cabinet. I know...it's pure insanity on my part~6 kids ages 8 & under plus a new dog...what the hell was I thinking????? Somebody pour me a beer....... J/K that is for tomorrow when all the kiddos go home :)
And for your viewing enjoyment (or not) I have included some photos from little R.'s birthday party. Hope you are all having a fabulous weekend.........

My little man with his very fav. present~ courtesy of Gma

Me & my 'peeps"

Blowin' out the candles

This is my friend Heather & a photo she doesn't want her hubby to see (he REALLY wants another baby)....can you say 'blackmail'????? :)

We're expanding our family

and NO we are NOT having a baby! We adopted a dog on Tuesday from the AK Dog & Puppy rescue. She is awesome & the kids are beside themselves....especially D. She is in total heaven! The dog is a female, black lab mix. Her name is Schotzie & she was a year old in February. she is very well behaved,kennel trained, housetrained (no accidents thus far, knock on wood), & she weighs 68lbs. So now, not only will I bore you all with all the petty details of my life, you will become well aquainted with the social life of my dog! :)

Back to the grind....

it's Monday

it's the first day of Spring & we got 4+ inches of snow last night :(

it's time to go back to school after Spring Break

it's time to get back on my diet after a a couple weeks of splurging

it's only noon & I'm ready for bed

it's 99 day until we go to Ohio...did I mention that I'm homesick???


So the weekend was good, Sping Break was good...but way too short. Only 68 days until school is out for summer....that includes the weekend & holidays.....68 more sleeps...D. & I counted :) She was soo thrilled.....she's still at the age that she loves to be home with Mom. I hope she stays that way for a long,, long time.

I am already planning in my mind all the things I wanna do in OH this summer:
~have Dairy Queen Cake -the yummiest!
~bake in the hot sun
~catch lightning bugs with the kids
~have a bon fire & roast marshmallows
~visit EVERYONE
~have Starbucks with Femmie
~stay up late giggling with Femmie
~food fight!!!
~Target, who could forget Target??
~sit in the breeze way during a summer storm
~eat loads of fresh fruits & veggies
~eat Pizza Oven pizza
~laugh so hard I pee myself :) My family is hysterical
~ride in the Red Jeep
~eat a gigantic plate of "slop"~ it's my aunt's fabulous recipe YUM!
~did I mention eating a Dairy Queen Cake????
Well~ that's all for now~I've got a house to clean & phone calls to make.....Ciao!

I LOVE spring break...

and Christmas break, & summer break.....I just love it when my kiddos are home. We've had a great week together....K. is home from work, we had little R.'s 4th birthday party, we went skiing & last but not least, I turned the big 3-2. You gotta it...I am 'thirty-something'.....no need to comment further. :) And I can't forget to share...we are going home on vacation this summer! We are all so excited...the wait is gonna make me crazy. K. will only be able to stay for about 10days, but the kiddos & I will be in Ohio for a full month! How 'bout them apples!!! The end of June can't come soon enough..................

****note~ do NOT make ugly comments about my hair in the above photo...it is what I like to call "Ski Hat Chic". It's all the rage! LOL

Since it's been a while....

here is today's R-ism:

It was about 5pm & still quite light outside. R. & I were being super silly. I was tickling him like crazy, hoping to envoke a giant belly laugh. Then I decided to torment him just a tad more.......

Me: (as I flung my big 'ole self over top of his little body, pinning him to the bed) Ummmmm..this is so cozy...I think it's time for bed.

R: NO!

Me: Yep...I think we should just go to sleep.

R: Moommmmmmmyyyyy! No! It's not midnight yet...it's only 40 o'clock!

What the??? What in the world is 40 o'clock??? I just love the world through little man's eyes!

No "Beat-me-ups" here

Ya see, I have this thing about clothes...I either like it or I don't...there is NO middle ground, NO grey area. This goes for my kids clothes as well. ***disclaimer~ I am NOT knocking the way anyone else dresses their kids, I'm just weird, shall we say, about how I dress mine.*** K. & I have a strick "No Beat-Me-Up Clothes Allowed" policy. For example, R. has never worn, nor will he ever wear, one of those little suits for kids. I just don't like 'em. I envision him wearing a little suit, complete with vest & tie to Kindergarten and royally getting his ass kicked on the playground. Hence, the name "Beat-Me Ups". Anyhow, we prefer button down shirts, sweater, khakis & the sort. So this past weekend Mom & I were shopping in Anchorage when she see this little argyle sweater vest at Baby Gap. She was oooing & ahhing over how cute it was (it was definatley matched up with some Beat-Me-Up stuff on the display).

Mom: That is sooo cute.....but you'd never let R. wear it.

Me: Sure I would...

Mom: No. You. Would. Not!

Me: Yes I would...just not with that (as I motion to this hideous crap sharing the hanger). It would be way cute with a long sleeve white shirt& jeans.

Mom: You'd really let him wear it???

And with that she didn't wait for an answer...she scooped it up, as to challenge me into having my son wear such attire. Well.....as you see my little dude was one fine little man when he made his grand entrance (at preschool) on Tuesday morning. I hope you approve Mom....and if you don't...well he still isn't wearing any freakin tie...... :)

On another note: D. made her very first Scrapbook layout...I am sooooo proud. She was so excited to do it all on her own...I even gave her free reign over all my supplies & tools. So if you see her...be sure to tell her her very first layout ROCKS!

My baby is growing up!!!

Happy Birthday, Little Dude!!!

I can't believe he has gotten so big, so fast!!! Four years ago we welcomed our son into the world & oh, what a ride it has been! I had no idea what kind of joy a boy could bring into my life. And I am continually amazed at how in love with that litttle face I am. So here's to my little man & another fabulous year ahead!!! Love you R.!

R.'s 1st birthday

My little dude today with the uber-cool toy he bought with his gift card from his Aunt Stacy, Aunt Femmie & Uncle Bud! He loves it!!!

Eatin' my words....

a couple years ago, K. & I went to the big movie theatre in Anchorage to see some movie (the name escapes me) and we had to get there really early to get tickets. After we bought our tickets we were forced to kill time among the mass of pre-teens whose parents had just dumped them at the cinema for the evening. Being the 'old people' that we are, we sought out a pinball machine. Upon entering the arcade area we were intrigued by a crowd of kids all huddled around some bizarre looking game. It looked like some weird mini-dance floor thing. And this really big kid was just stompin the hell out of the thing. I was sure, by the way he pounding on the thing, that it was about to die at any moment. Keith & I had a lengthy discussion (well atleast til our flick started) about how absolutely assinine this 'game' was. We had no idea that Dance Dance Revolution was the hottest thing going. Fast forward to this past Christmas. D. was begging for some cheapo karaoke machine that had horrible ratings. Instead we opted for the Dance Dance Revolution for the PS2. Like most people I know, our kids get way too much at the holidays & the DDR box got put in the game closet as we cleaned up the loot. Finally today, D. asked if we could try it. If you haven't ever tried this, you must add it to your to-try list. It was a freakin blast (translate: not as much fun as have Cosmos with my friends, but definately better than being forced to watch "Finding Nemo' for the 3047th time)! The kids & I played for hours! Talk about a butt kickin' workout. Now I feel bad that K. & I made fun of those kids in the theatre...okay....maybe not so much. But you get my drift. I was soooo wrong about this game. D. was really good at it too...girl has got moves. I have included pics for your viewing enjoyment....and yes, I am aware there are none of me....for the same reasons I would not attempt this game in public...although the game is fun, I am no Shakira & well..let's just say, it wouldn't be pretty!

Now R. says "1 more sleep"......

Yep, tomorrow my baby boy will be 4 years....I just can't believe it. It's the typical "where has the time gone???". He's just gotten so darned big! Anyway, today he had his little 'party' at preschool & he was in his glory. All eyes were on him for the day & he got to be the line leader to boot (the pinnacle of preschool jobs). And if that wasn't enough, he was the hero among his peers for the snack (they're cupcakes...seriously!) he served....yep, today my little dude rocked Parentshare Preschool!

My rockin' little dude!

There are times...

when I hate the computer. In fact there was a day not so long ago that I didn't even know how to use Word or my email. In fact, I would have gladly have chucked the computer in the bin if I hadn't thought it would have spelled d-i-v-o-r-c-e for K. & I. I truly despised it! Now it's a love/hate thing. I love the access the net has provided me to practically anything. But on the flip side I hate how freakin addicting it is! It's amazing how it 'sucks' the hours out of my day. And the shopping that is available can definitely wreak havoc on the checkbook. Then just when I am about to unplug the bloody thing & revert to catalog shopping and writing letters by hand **gasps in horror** something really meaningful comes from all the time I spend online. Like the fact that I can easily keep in touch with my loved ones far away that I miss desperately. Or the fascinating women I have 'met' through their blogs...they've inspired me with their fabulous ideas, made me laugh when I need it most & have helped me see that I am pretty normal. It's funny how we'll let strangers see us for who we really are....these are women that I hope I have the pleasure to meet someday. And then...there are a few that have touched me beyond words & really have made me look inside myself and my life. They have challenged me (without even knowing it) to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better me...... and right now it has been one woman in particular. Her name is Barb. You can find the link to her blog at the right.http://barbkfrommyheart.blogspot.com/ Her story is incredibly sad, but her outlook, her attitude & her spirit are truly inspiring. In the past year she has been to hell & back, but she in a vibrant example of what God wants us to be. I encourage you all to read her blog...not just the last post or 2...but really delve into it. You'll want some time & lots of tissues. My heart aches for her & for her family, but she has chosen to share their pain to help others. And I have to admit she has helped me......although I have never experienced the darkness her daughter Laurie had to endure, her message has brought me out of a bit of a cloud....I want to live every moment to the fullest, I want to enjoy my children every second that I can and hug their sweet little bodies extra tight.....I don't want to be on 'auto-pilot'....I want to LIVE. I know I often joke that I want to be Heidi Swapp when I grow up or I wanna be on Grey's Anatomy......but really when I 'grow up' I wanna be like Barb.....committed to my family, strong in my faith, a REAL woman in my opinion..........anyway......please read her blog & especially tomorrow (March 2nd) keep her family in prayer.

Uhm...a bit of a 'shout out'......

I have this 'friend'...who shall remain nameless....who happens to be closely related to me....who's nickname begins with "F".....who happens to LUV Starbucks....(okay, I know that's a lot of clues, but I just wanna make sure there is no question who the 'guilty party' is)....I think she may have fallen off the face of the earth cuz she hasn't updated her blog in over 2 weeks. If she doesn't do so soon I will assume she is MIA & will be forced to create a missing persons poster for my blog using a certain photo from the Pike's Market toilet stall....& that's all I'm saying! Lub ya!

She headed for the Olympics....

or NOT! Anyone who knows me IRL, knows I am not some natural born athlete, but I have been trying new things. For example, this is the first year I have ever tried Cross Country Skiing. It's about time considering we've been in Alaska over 9 years! Anyway, I have gone several times so far this year & it would've probably have been more, except the weather hasn't been the most cooperative. So yesterday it was sunny & after this past weekend's snowfall, we thought we'd give it a go. We had a great time & came home exhausted! The kiddos slept like rocks & so did their mama!




Yes, I am going "downhill" here. In our area there are very few trail systems that are flat. In fact a lot of x-country skiers don't like to ski them because of the downhill portion, but I love it. I think it mixes it up a bit!






R. & his buddy K. had the best part of the deal~ they were pulled in a sled the whole time. However, they have come to learn that those who sit in a sled have very, very cold toes at the end of the trail. Next time they have agreed to wear their skis. It's a lot more work, but you stay a hell of a lot warmer.





The best part pulling the sled???? The ride downhill!











And on another note~ I need a moment to "Mommy Brag". R. earned three news stars on his chart for gymnastics on Monday! You rock little dude!!!